Something has been troubling me lately that I would like to address here. Recently I saw an Instagram post that was quoted saying “Addiction was an experience. It’s not an identity.” This struck me to my core because since I have been sober, it has been all about being sober. Which is important because without sobriety, the Janice you know ceases to exist. But I don’t want it to define me.
What makes us who we are? Clearly the choices we make and how we choose to live our lives. But to reinvent yourself is difficult because the baggage from your old ways can feel like an albatross. Although everyday is a new day to start again, old ways can creep back in and before you know it you’re eating an entire pint of Oberweis mint chip ice cream (no regrets!). Change is hard work and takes time which is something I have a hard time accepting. I am happy to say that I am nearly 5 years sober and I am grateful for the lessons my addiction has taught me. But, to be totally honest, I don’t want to be Janice the recovering addict anymore. I want to be Janice the person who has survived some bullshit and fights everyday to be the best version of herself.
CrossFit has taught me a lot of lessons about myself. Lessons I don’t think I could have learned anywhere else. For instance, we were doing cleans a week or so back and David said “It’s easy! Just pickup the heavy weight and put it back down.” Of course the heavy weight is easier to put down than to pick up, but he made it sound so effortless. And this lesson should be a thread throughout my daily activity because I like to make things as difficult and complicated as possible. I can make the easiest decisions life or death situations. It’s been how I’ve rolled since I can remember but it doesn’t have to be. Pick it up, put it down. Bing. Bang. Boom. Done.
Something else I love about Crossfit is it doesn’t matter that I am in recovery. Our sole purpose is to work hard and have fun with people we enjoy being with. It’s not always about me being a sober person. Sometimes its just about showing up for a team WOD and doing my best for my partners. Rooting them on and cheering for all the people in the class. Alvin inspires me because he is always rooting for us and giving us hope.
I love being sober, I love my life as a sober person. There was a time I couldn’t fathom it. But I am so much more than that. I am an athlete. I am a student. I am a hard worker. I am a partner. I am a friend. There is so much more in all of us than just one thing.