As recently as a few weeks ago, I was in a dark place. Well, darker than usual as I typically don’t equate myself with a ray of sunshine.
The news is full of garbage and every time I tune in, I think the apocalypse is upon us. There are so many tragedies, disasters, deaths and political nonsense, regardless of which side of the fence you’re on, and it really is too much sometimes.
People close to me have lost loved ones to suicide. A family member had firsthand experience battling mental illness with their loved one. And I have personally been on the frontline of that mental torment more than once. It most certainly is a terrifying place to be.
Whether it’s as dire as mental illness or addiction, or as trivial as the basic stresses of life, such as financial woes, family burdens, work nonsense, trying feverishly to keep up with the Jones’ or fight the ever-dreadful aging process, depression can be a warm and cozy blanket to hide under. And a familiar one at that.
Let me start by giving you a little information about myself. First, I’ve never been a ‘joiner’. In fact I typically made fun of the people that needed to be part of a “crowd”. (Now, after 4.30 years of sobriety, I understand that this is a huge insecurity of mine that I may not be accepted by said “crowd”. So rather than try, I shut people out first before they do it to me. Messed up, right?) Although the beauty of this is I ended up being friends with the most brilliant band misfits, music nerds and outcasts and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Next, I’m am an introvert. And by introvert, I mean isolator. I am a loner that takes solitude to another level. I enjoy quiet time and peacefulness however I can turn a quiet weekend into a month of not answering my phone or having contact with people other than my boyfriend or my Mom. Sadly, they even get the wrong end of the deal sometimes. (*Facebook and Instagram do not count as human contact, Janice.)
So what does this have to do with CrossFit and why should you care? Well, you don’t have to care but the CrossFit community is imperative to my well-being. As much as I don’t want the answer to be movement, sweating, fellowship and service to others, it always is (it’s also prayer, meditation and meetings but that’s a different fellowship). And by service to others, it’s as simple as being friendly, helping clean up after a WOD or even writing these blogs.
When I am struggling, my default is self-destruct. I don’t know why and I’m tired of trying to figure it out. But I understand that’s just how I roll if I don’t do what works. And what works is getting really sweaty at CrossFit with people who inspire me to be better, among other things. And what doesn’t work is completely disengaging from the world and thinking about “me”. “Woe is me! Why me?! Poor me! Pour me a drink!” That’s where that line of thinking goes.
I have never in my life solved any problems by overthinking them. Overthinking is the understatement of year, by the way. Only through taking steps, taking action, taking a CrossFit class and assessing any given situation, I have been able to chisel away at this unfamiliar beast called ‘adulthood’. And CrossFit has been paramount for me. Oh, what a process it has been!!
I suppose my goal with this post is that someone will read it and maybe gain a little hope and start taking strides to feel better about themselves. Perhaps it’ll help address an issue that’s been nagging at them. Even if it’s something as mundane as shedding some excess bulge. (It doesn’t always a catastrophe, Janice!)
Wayne, my dear friend and box owner, always says he’s in the business of helping people. I think that’s the kind of business I want to be in too.